I am currently writing this blog post from the comfort of my Brooklyn apartment, wearing an oatmeal mask on my face, with a candle lit, and a hot cup of tea by my side {obviously}. This is the first time in weeks, maybe months even, that I’ve dedicated a night to pampering myself and blogging. I used to do this all the time in London. I would look forward to nights like this one all week, and had no problem turning down plans to go into the city on a Friday or Saturday night.
But things are different in New York. It’s a different city with a different energy. The people are pleasantly different. And I am immensely different.
It’s not to say I am out every single night {I am still a grandmother and proud}, but I do fill nearly every hour of my week with something. Meal prepping for the week, attending a gym class, phone calls and Skype chats, happy hours, Sunday brunch, or simply taking advantage of an entire city I have yet to discover, by getting lost, chai tea latte in hand.
I am in a good place.
But I am reminded, almost too vividly, of a short time ago when things were no where close to good. Things were actually, exceptionally terrible. And I was in Prague.
When something drastic occurs in your life, it can be difficult to comprehend at the time, just how largely you will be impacted by the event. Initially when I would think back to my time spent in Prague, I felt bitter and angry. I was resentful about my experience. I had experienced heartbreak, and as we know, the heart is an uncontrollable mass of muscle and tissue that could care less if you are in Prague or elsewhere when it falls apart.
I almost skipped Prague on the blog completely. But then I realized how much I had learned from my short time spent in Prague. Not necessarily what I had expected to learn from the charming Czech capital, but important knowledge that I have carried with me months later. Now I reflect on my time spent in Prague and I’m incredibly grateful. It was a pivotal moment in my life and I’ll definitely never forget it, for better or worse.
This is probably one of my most random posts, but it was a random time in my life. Bear with me…
Retail therapy is a real thing
I mean, I’ve always known this to an extent. I make jokes about it to every other person when I feel guilty about buying the third heather grey, oversized sweater to be added to my wardrobe. ‘Retail therapy, am I right?’ Well, I can wholeheartedly say that yes, I am right. I had spent a whole four minutes wandering the city of Prague before getting upset and wanting to fall on the ground in a heap of self-pity and sadness. I literally just sat there thinking about what would could possibly make me just an ounce happier. I wouldn’t mind finding an outfit to wear in Berlin, I thought briefly. And then it was straight back to the miserable, lonely, broken hearted thoughts once again. But I dragged myself to the closest H&M as it began to rain in almost freezing temperatures. And I found a TAN, oversized sweater to buy. Did it make me feel 100% again, not even close. But for a fleeting moment as I exchanged my credit card with the bored-to-death cashier, I felt satisfied. Seriously, who needs therapy when you have a Zara down the road? A Topshop within walking distance? Or an H&M close by? Not I.
Strength can be measured in a variety of ways
I used to think I was so ’emotionally strong’ because I would pretend I didn’t care about something or someone. I thought I didn’t need anyone. I could walk away from anyone if they crossed me on the wrong day. Oh how mistaken I was. In many ways I do have a lot of emotional strength. But to think I didn’t need or care about anyone, and by choice? Give me a break. I was vulnerable in Prague for the first time. I didn’t have the energy to pretend I didn’t care. I cared. A lot. And I was in a lot of pain. Reflecting back, I feel stronger now after allowing myself to admit my feelings and accept the fact that I was hurting. It takes strength to be exposed and to be honest. Especially with yourself.
Spontaneity is refreshing
During the short amount of time that I did explore the streets of Prague, I had no idea where or what I wanted to accomplish while out and about. I did absolutely no prior planning before walking out the door {though I had been researching sights and activities like crazy previous to my arrival}. I literally stepped foot onto the first tram I saw heading in the direction of what I thought was town. I didn’t pay anyone {whoops} and I just sat down. I eventually found my way to the city center. I think? I still couldn’t really tell you where I went. But it was the first time I had been truly spontaneous over the duration of my travels thus far. And I couldn’t believe I had waited that long to do so. When I look at the images I have of Prague and compare them to fellow travelers galleries, you wouldn’t know we had photographed the same city. But I actually prefer this. My mind was solely focused on my current surroundings. I wasn’t on a mission to find a specific landmark {though I did find the iconic John Lennon wall}, therefore I was not rushed. I just focused my camera and shot. And now, I appreciate these photos in a special way. I plan to incorporate this form of ‘being’ in every new destination I arrive in.
It’s not always about Instagram
Which is a nice segue to my next point, that Instagram should not control your travels. I was guilty of this before I arrived in Prague. I needed the perfect shot in each destination. And as grateful as I am to have those images for this blog and beyond, none of them were necessary. There is a way to enjoy a location without documenting it from every angle. My strongest memories from Prague include the adorable vintage tram cars and the scummy grocery store I had to reveal my puffy eyed face to twice a day, of which I could not read a single ingredient on the shelves. And do I have images of either of those things? Uh, nope. But don’t worry I have a great shot of a ‘lock bridge’. Because, we all care about those apparently? I am constantly reminding myself that Instagram is not meant to be a full time job. Unless it begins to pay, of course. At that point I will be directing traffic in the middle of New York City to get the shot I need of the looming skyscrapers if I must.
Laughter is the best medicine
Okay, so maybe I was aware of this one before I got to Prague, but it was confirmed while I was there. I spent four out of my five days in Prague holed up in my Air Bnb watching New Girl, Chelsea Handler, and Orange is the New Black. As if I have to clarify, New Girl is my most beloved show on television. It makes me laugh out loud when I am alone, I can watch every single episode multiple times {and oh, have I}, and it brings me ultimate comfort wherever I am in the world. This show saved my sanity, and my ass, in Prague.
Self respect should never be compromised
I whole heartedly believe in picking your battles in life. I also certainly believe there are things in life that you should never compromise on. Self respect being one of them. This tid bit of information was, again, something I was already aware of before arriving in Prague. But reflecting back now, I can conclude that I wouldn’t be genuinely happy now if I hadn’t had respected myself as much as I did back in Prague. It can be an incredibly hard thing to do, especially with other heightened emotions involved. I get it. I questioned myself every fourteen minutes but, guys, just trust me on this.
Loneliness is not always defined as being alone
It is the worst feeling in the world to physically be around someone, and still feel alone. Like, it’s actually the worst. Loneliness can be defined in many ways. And it reveals itself in different forms. In contrast, there are moments in life that you may be alone, but feel so full of warmth. For example, sitting in a cafe, reading a book, alone. Love, breathe, die for this. Cuddling on the couch with a dog, cat, rat {okay whatever, insert animal here}? Sure, they can’t communicate their thoughts or provide you with any solid advice, but knowing my animals are next to me creates an indescribable comfort.