As the sun began to set over the city I now call home, I couldn’t help but ponder the idea that this dream of mine almost didn’t happen. Although I had always hoped to return to the big apple, my plans had been set on another course all together. One just as fulfilling, but with less skyscrapers.
I tend to think about my previous plans and associate them with failure, seeing as they never developed. Hell, I bought my plane ticket to New York within weeks of my departure. I can’t say this was a well thought out endeavor.
I look at some of the people closest to me, and wonder if they really have it all figured out. I mean, most people I know at least have an idea of what their life will look like in five years. Some know what they want out of the next twenty-five.
I couldn’t tell you what my life will look like in five months {fingers crossed it’s still in this beautiful city}, let alone any odd number of years.
Some of these people may look at my life and label it ‘irresponsible’ or ‘careless’. Lacking purpose in one way or another. And to an extent they would be right.
I don’t make plans. At least as of recently. I don’t really see the point of curating an idea of the way my life should play out. Sure, I have independent goals I would like to achieve. I used to have an idea of what success looked like based on my perception of the world at the time. Now, my life has become simplistic in the sense that I only have a few requirements for my future in order to consider it successful.
I want to live a full life that someone would write a novel about {this could be for any number of reasons}. I want to constantly practice gratitude. To be thankful for every moment I have, and be present in each one. I want to give back to the world in one way or another {tbd}. I want to fall asleep laughing, and wake up each morning with hope. I want people to remember that I was kind to them.
As for the rest, I feel quite indifferent about it.
My career is non-existent at the moment, and the idea of settling down and popping out tiny humans anytime soon sounds like a nightmare. I haven’t determined a tangible ‘passion’ I am willing to risk everything for, and as far as making a mark for myself in society? My biggest contribution so far has been the copious amounts of money I’ve donated to the economy in the form of discounted oversized sweaters, mascara, and green tea. Not very impressive if you ask me.
Should my life be more distinguished by this stage? Should I be proud of the choices I’ve made? Am I just another self-centered millennial? Have I made a meaningful impact anywhere?
Perhaps not, but perhaps.
I used to plan out every aspect of my life. At every stage. I wouldn’t take a leap of faith without at least securing a safety net first.
Until I came to the very obvious conclusion that you simply can’t plan for the future. Sure, you can assemble ideas. You can set goals. You can, and should, dream big. And by all means, all of your dreams could come true.
But I think it is wrong for us to consider the dreams that do not come true as failures. Call it a cop out if you must, but I believe that dreams can change. There are things that matter, and things that don’t. And our ideas of what falls under these categories will change as we grow and learn all about this crazy little thing called life.
Life happens, plans change, and new opportunities arrive. It’s a cycle, people.
Regardless of the direction it takes, I want to look back on my life and feel content.
I started to walk away from the breathtaking view in front of me. I could see lady liberty standing tall in the distance, the twinkling lights began blanketing the tall buildings, and I hesitated. I turned back and leaned against the railing. I took a deep breath and absorbed the moment with every bone in my body {a trend these days}.
I immediately stopped comparing my successes and failures.
I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. My bank account, maybe, just to pay off those pesky student loans. But I would relive every moment leading up to that afternoon spent watching the sun disappear behind the most stunning skyline I’ve every seen. Because all of those things got me here. The good and the bad. The accomplishments and heartbreaks.
I didn’t plan on moving to New York on a whim. And I will continue to have successes and failures within the city limits of the concrete jungle. But now I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. Had my plans gone accordingly those months ago, I would have missed this chapter. I would have missed this moment.
And what a shame that would be.